Rabbit holes

Hi all!

I've been missing for awhile, lost in so many rabbit holes that I wasn't ever sure I'd find my way back again.
I have now moved back to Canada, and it's taken me several months to get back on my feet and find a job and apartment in an area where both are rare and valuable commodities.
I've learned a lot from this experience in self-imposed and painful growth, and those lessons have been shared on my most recent blog post if you're interested in exploring them with me.

I've also had the chance to write some poetry (about love, of course) and a short story that I'm quite proud of (do you like twists?). I'll link to the story here and you can check out the other posts along with it.

For those of you who have been following me since the beginning, would you believe that I know do my translation for paying clients on a freelance basis? That's right, those years and years of translating for this community (for free, using my very limited free time) finally culminated in a career, the likes of which I am proud of having achieved despite its relative obscurity and newness. I guess it just goes to show that you never can tell where things can take you if you follow them far enough...passions lead to paths lead to perspective. Thanks again to all of you who supported me during that time, you will never know how much it meant to me to have your feedback and community in my life during a very dark time.

Please remember that you are always capable of finding a new answer in the midst of chaos and destruction; nothing is wasted.


Spring cleansing

Back again! I managed to return rather quickly this time, thanks to being brought a moment of inspiration from a demolished house down the street. I find it takes me a while to recharge my creative juices unless I have something the moves me. And lately emotions run high all the time, so it can be hard to give them free rein when all you want is calm. It's spring, the wind stirs up a lot;)

Hope you're all doing well, I've been given another year to work at my current job...we'll see if I can't find something even better by this time next year! If you know of any good places to find jobs in Europe, please let me know^^

And now for today's offering, several small pieces stitched together on the theme of a broken home. Love to hear from you!

Take care and have a lovely weekend:)

Sunshine again

Hi all,
It's finally spring! And with it an accompanying uplift in mood and hope for the future.
Going through a protracted break-up for the first few months of the year really reduced my overall ability to function, but I feel like I'm slowly starting to see daylight again.
As part of the recovery process I decided to take a short trip to Bali, because I've always wanted to go there and because I (desperately) needed to get away from Japan and all the crap that's been bogging down my life. Thanks to that time to reset and recharge (not to mention the physical beauty) I'm feeling like things are starting to get better. For all of you who have never been to Bali but always wondered what it was like (aka, is it the paradise we all dream of?), you'll want to check out my travelog/photo-essay that I just finished writing^^ As a hint, sunsets are gorgeous, but clarity is priceless.
Hope things are going well for you, and that there is plenty of sunshine on the horizon ahead!

It takes a lot to be

Hi all!

Yes, I'm back already. I'm trying to get back into regular writing, I think it's time to turn this into a more solid pillar of my life. Especially now that things are settling down (I won in my battle against the university, I will not end up losing money over tuition/admission fees!:) and I am needing more to focus my energy on.

We all get lost sometimes, and we all want to find someone who can speak to us and help us find the right way to go...I tried to give my own personal take on this idea in my latest piece, which I'm actually very proud of:) Please take a look and let me know what comes to mind!

Take care and keep going^^
prairie poetry


Once again, I have abandoned you for far too long. I am sincerely sorry.

Just to cut straight to the chase, the University of Tokyo defrauded me and left me in the lurch. I was promised a scholarship with my admission, and every time I asked to verify that fact they told me it was guaranteed. So I paid to fly here and the very next day they told me it was 'no longer guaranteed' for reasons beyond their control...long story short, the foundation from whom this money was actually coming (fraud #1: UTokyo had no right to promise me money that wasn't theirs to give) rejected me based on my nationality (fraud #2: the scholarship claims no nationality restrictions; it turns out this is a front for gaining power in developing nations by sponsoring their best and brightest in return for favors later...as a Canadian, I am unwanted).

I spent 3 weeks living on someone's couch, desperate to find a way to survive (without the scholarship, keeping body and soul together would be a daily struggle), and lucked out. Through connections I found the exact job I'd been aiming for, got them to sponsor my visa, and quit school...although they're still trying to charge me fees despite their fraud. Anyway, that took most of my energy, and it's only in the last few weeks that things began to settle down.

Today I posted a photo essay I began during this 3-month long battle (which is technically still continuing...), about loss and finding new purpose. It's called Lost in Japan, come let me know what you think!

Hope you are all well.

(no subject)

More and more change! The 18th move of my life sees me still in transition from one part of Japan to another via Canada, strangely enough. I am learning to accept and integrate the experiences of the last two years much more quickly and with less emotional resistance to their archiving.

October will bring more change. My love-hate relationship with change is being tested as we speak.

Reflections on change brought me to consider the ultimate change, so I wrote a short piece that you may find thought-provoking...let me know what you think!^^

Going going game

Well, here I am over a month later, feeling a little less tragic about life in general but fighting this battle on a daily basis. The path I'm embarking on is one that I can intellectually find positives in, but emotionally is almost a dead space. My heart lies elsewhere, somewhere I can't go right now, and I have to find a way to accept that and keep going. It hasn't been easy, and I still have to give myself pep talks nearly every day just to get through the morning (mornings are the worst usually...not sure why, but if it's before noon the world just seems like a horrible whirlpool of despair and fear). But at least I'm able to feel some progress.

Thanks to everybody who took the time to comment and share their own experiences with me, I really loved hearing from you and your words of encouragement helped a lot more than you know:) I was surprised at how many people are in a similar situation, and I hope that we can all (both those dealing with it and those outside of it) give a little of ourselves to help others, because it ultimately helps ourselves too.

On a different note, my fascination with gender in Japan was piqued again by a random visit to the drugstore. I have some musings on what it is to be a female in Japan that I hope you'll find as intriguing and thought-provoking as I do! Come let me know what you think^^

Step up

I am hopefully finally moving forward from my mini-depression that I fell into at the beginning of April. I just happen to be one of those people who occasionally suffer setbacks to their stability when life doesn't go as planned, and it can take time to regroup. It's not the most glamorous or happy thing to talk about, but I know there are a lot of people like me out there and I think the world needs more open dialogue about this kind of thing. To be honest, that's part of the reason why I share my blog, in the hopes that maybe someone else out there who is feeling the same way can feel less alone, or more hopeful, because of something I may write. Of course, I also love writing, which is why I have so many short stories to share as well;)
Today I have some new posts to share, come visit when you have a second^^ Love to hear from you:)
Take care!

Taking time

Hi all...it's been another whirlwind month. I spent a week in San Francisco for my birthday and a wedding, and it was wonderful:) But coming back made me realize all the things I have to figure out before this job ends in July, and I've been going crazy ever since.
So far I've gotten accepted to every grad school program I've applied to, but only one has offered me a scholarship...and suddenly I found myself questioning if I should even be going to grad school, and if not what do I do, and it just went rapidly downhill from there...>_< Spent a week crying in the bathroom at work, another week unable to eat without nausea, and intermittent anxiety-based sleeplessness...and I'm really hoping I've finally come out the other end. But really, for about three weeks I decided on something different every day as my final choice, so I have very little trust that this peace will last. Still waiting on one more grad application and in the process of applying for a job, so things may still get worse againXD Sigh...

And though my creativity was suppressed for most of that period (it's hard to feel like writing when every second is filled with horrified panic), I finally managed to get something out on the weekend, and I'm quite happy with it so I thought I'd share. For anyone dealing with loss or change, words of wisdom from an unexpected sage. Please let me know what you think:)

And please have a wonderful day. Life is so short.

Hey Fever

Either I have hay fever (which I found hilariously translated as 'hey fever' onceXD), or the world's most drawn-out head cold...wish I knew which it was^^;;;

At any rate, for any of you have ever wondered how they make the magic that is Japanese sake (one of my favorite liquors;), I have a special treat^^ I got to visit a 200 year old brewery and taste their wares, just so you could find out the secrets of the trade;)Come have a sip...!